Fletcher Renn's Guides
by CheekyBrunette
Summary: Fletcher Renn is a Casanova, or at least he thinks he is. With these simple guides and rules he will teach young men what to and not to do in awkward situations with their girls. We can only pray he knows what he's talking about. Also by NerdySkeleton.
1. Crying Girl

**Fletcher Renn's Guide for What To Do When Faced With a Crying Girl **

This will all happen to us someday, men.

We just need to know what to do when a girl begins to cry. No matter their age or their life profession, they will always cry at some point. For example, my girlfriend could probably kill me in three seconds. However, she is still a girl.

Not all girls are going to turn on the waterworks all the time, though. My girlfriend has only cried in front of me three times in the five years we've been together. One of those times, she had just broken her tooth, and we weren't even together yet!

So gentlemen, I ask why we men freeze up at the sight of tears. The answer is simple: We're afraid of the girl.

They are unpredictable beasts! Their mind is a labyrinth of conundrums inside a far more complicated puzzle that requires a password from a dead language from a different dimension! I kid you not!

There are just some guidelines and rules a man must follow in order to calm the crying girl and not get beaten up by her mentor.

**Step 1**: NEVER under ANY circumstances ask if it's _that time of the month_.

Really men, you may think you're being sensitive. YOU ARE NOT. The girl may take offense to this question for whatever reason and begin to slap you repeatedly. (Also, do you ever _really_ want to know if it's that time?)

**Step 2**: Ask the perfect amount of questions.

This may seem impossible. It is. If you ask too many questions, the girl will begin telling you everything. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "But Fletcher, that means you care!"

Of course it does.

But, she may begin spewing information only meant for female ears.

If you ask too little questions…well, you can figure out what will ensue…

**Step 3**: Offer your sweatshirt.

This is adorable to the girl. Somehow, a simple article of clothing of yours makes them happy. Make sure it smells like you. If it smells like your lunch, she is disgusted.

**Step 4**: Give hugs!

This is very easy: See tears, give hugs.

**Step 5**: Don't try to solve the problem

If, say, her creepy mentor (not the good, skeletal one) somehow tells her that she is not good enough to accomplish a certain task, you MUST NOT go after him. Facing her problems yourself is a simply terrible idea. Solving the problem by confronting it yourself will make her think she is incapable of doing that herself, and she will be offended.

This list could go on forever, I believe. But really, if the girl hasn't stopped crying then…you've done something horribly wrong, and I shall now pray for you life.

Good luck, my fellow gentlemen. I hope this guide has opened your eyes and now helps you understand just a small fraction of the female mind.

* * *

**NerdySkeleton: **This was written because of an idea I had where Fletcher would write a guide on what to do when faced with a crying girl. Also, all the things he writes about he has experienced. Just you waaaait!

**CheekyBrunette: **However, I loved it, and it became a partnership, where I do most of the work. Just Kidding, don't give me that look, Bones.

**NerdySkeleton: **I need to think of a name for you now. Jerkface :D

We hope you liked it and sorry for any typos! :DD If you like it, and by **CheekyBrunette's **request, for goodness sakes respond! (PS we take criticism, but don't slap me in the face with your words.)


	2. Angry Girl

**Fletcher Renn's Guide On How to Tell When a Girl is Mad at You**

Gentlemen, as we all known, no matter how kind of sympathetic we truly are, women will get mad at us. However, it seems like they blow up out of nowhere. They are ticking time bombs, sensitive enough to nuclear at the slightest of mistakes. Bow how does one know when their girl is on the brink of explosion? Follow these steps and you may stand a chance of survival.

**Step 1: **Listen

If you hear nothing, something's wrong. Women are chatter boxes and their off button is anger. (While it may seem like an easy way out of tedious, mind numbing conversation, men, don't make her angry. Go to the boy's bathroom, don't start World War III.)

**Step 2: **Touch

While men are always the ones pegged as perverts wishing to touch the opposite gender more than life, don't let it fool you. Women want to be as close to her man as he wants to be to her. If she's not close to you, she's obviously mad. The farther away, the grumpier she is.

**Step 3: **Look

Watch her to show signs of anger. She might have her arms crossed, or nose crinkled. She may have a frown on her face and she could possible be glaring, but beware! Female Anger is a ninja and is hidden easily. Women are professional maskers of it, and help cover is with smiles and other forms of happiness. If they don't want you to know then you don't. So is this task possible? Generally not.

**Step 4**: Look…Again

See only the back of her head? She's mad.

**Step 5: **Know

Know your girl's habits. If they're changed, she's probably annoyed or it's her _time of the month_. Or she's planning something. Or her friend has something going on…

This is why you listen. Then you'll know her habits.

So as you can see men, by following these steps you can put some key pieces together in the enigma that is woman.

* * *

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes!


	3. Proposing to a Girl

**Fletcher Renn's Guide on How to Propose to a Girl**

Proposing is probably one of the most nerve wrecking things a man will ever have to do. There will usually be a time when the girl _expects_ you to propose. When you get the feeling she wants a proposal, you should get working on that.

Time after time, men stumble through half-willed speeches and watch their girls' eyes tear up softly. Then, as asking the question, your girl will fling her body towards you, trapping you into a hug for eternity. In response to this, follow my guide. It will save your life.

**Step 1: **Buy the Ring

The ring must be as or more expensive as your house. Save up for it for at least four years. Start now. Even if you don't have a girlfriend.

**Step 2: **Prepare a Speech

Depending on your girl, your speech will vary. If she is a tough fighter like mine, it's probably not a good idea to compliment her on her biceps. Instead, go with something heartfelt. She's appreciate the sincerity, but don't overdo it. If she is more of a material girl who likes the movie The Notebook, then do something very sappy. You'll feel ridiculous while delivering your speech, but she'll love it.

**Step 3: **Make Reservations at Her Favorite Restaurant

This meal should be as or more expensive than the ring. She'll love that you're spending the money and time on her. Remember to be dapper.

**Step 4: **Look Your Best

Don't be wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Do not be covered in blood and sweat like I was. (I was rejected when I tried this spur-of-the-moment thing. She later said yes after 3 showers.) Don't rent a tux, since you'll be kneeling on the ground.

Now…the act of proposing…

Hide the ring in an usual place. If you've seen ANY romance movie, the hero has the ring in some ADORABLE place, earning a gasp from the heroine. Do this. If you're putting the ring around a french fry or in the dying plant in the corner, you are violating step 3.

When she finds it, get down on one knee and recite your speech. No matter how hard she is crying, keep going. If you want to guarantee an acceptance, cry _yourself_. Do not think you are too manly. Proposing costs you your man card. So does getting married.

* * *

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes!

**NerdySkeleton: **This one is so much fun. I loved this one.

**CheekyBrunette: **However it took FOREVER to write. My eyes started bleeding, but that could have been because of Bones' face.

**NerdySkeleton: **Well Psych is a dumb show. SO HA.


	4. The S Word

**Fletcher Renn's Guide to Sex**

This is gross.

I can't help you with this.

You're on your own.

* * *

**NerdySkeleton**: I'm pretty sure this was spawned when Sarah wouldn't shut up about sex positions ):

**CheekyBrunette: **Just know it wasn't my perverted idea to have Fletcher doing it with Valkyrie before marriage... I wanted this chapter, like, last.

**NerdySkeleton: **Well this is, like, Fletcher telling guys that it's gross. But you don't know if he and Valkyrie DID do it. Maybe she was...pressuring him or something. I don't knooow.

**CheekyBrunette:** Due to the preservation of purity held by these characters I vote they didn't. Seconded, Bones?

**NerdySkeleton:** Certainly. You know that Fletcher it TOTALLY a prude :D

Thanks for reading!


	5. Chick Flicks

**Fletcher Renn's Guide to Chick Flicks**

If you haven't endured this, know it's coming. Chick flicks are a part of life. There is a Chick flick for every girl, even super-tough-beat-the-crud-out-of-you girls, like my fiancée.

Here is what to do during every moment of these movies.

**Step 1**: The _**BEGINNING**_

Go in. Sit down. Hold hands. This will show your lover a few things.

You lover her (ish)

She can find strength in you (although she might not need it. Again, like my fiancée.)

You will attempt to follow the movie (sort of.)

A small step, but vital!

**Step 2**: The Back Story

This part is sure to emote tears from your partner; however, it shall seem ridiculous to you. Grip her hand tighter and rub her forearm with your MIGHTY PAW OF A HAND! It will reassure her.

**Step 3**: Romance

There are two different kinds of romance scenes so be prepared for bother.

Googley-eyed Scenes: Depending on the intensity of these scenes decide between a tighter grip and a thumb rub, or a quick peck on the cheek. Don't make out. She will want to see the movie.

Intense Intimacy Scenes: IGNORE! DO NOT DO ANYTHING DIFFERENT! SHE MIGHT GET THE WRONG IDEA, AND BECOME ANGRY OR ANXIOUS! REPEAT! DON'T DO _ANYTHING _DIFFERENT!

**Step 4**: Girly Friendship Scenes

Chick flicks often contain girly feminine relationships-in-a-friend-way scenes. These tend to be horribly boring and result in the loss of a few IQ points. However, these tend to be very memorable moments to your love, so take interest, and be prepared to scour every bloody second in conversation immediately afterwards. Although, knowing too much will make you seem interested and the girly conversations thereafter will never cease! This is impossible, as well as many other things found in this guide. Good luck, my man.

**Step 5**: Those Awkward Girly Moments

Know gentlemen, you will be constantly bombarded with extreme feminine awkwardness. Also know, it is probably one of the worst ideas to laugh. REMAIN STOIC!

**Step 6**: The _**END**_

This is the official tear-jerker part of the movie. To deal with the aftermath of running of mascara and noses, read my guide on how to deal with a crying girl. It's a necessity.

* * *

**CheekyBrunette: **Best. Ever. My official favorite. And I did all the work. Of course, _some _ideas were Bones', but I'm taking total credit. Except for the second scene type in Step 3.

**NerdySkeleton: **Hm. Actually...you're kind of right. BUT. I am LOVED BY ALL HEREEEEE.

Thanks for reading and sorry for any mistakes! :DD


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